I waited until marriage- as did my husband- but we had no illusions about it being a free-for-all once we were married, mainly because I'd had a good grounding in the concept of NFP from my early teens, and my husband had learnt of it in later years but understood the natural restrictions around it well before we were engaged or married. Contraception was never an option for us, we knew NFP would be part of our marriage and therefore we had a pretty healthy understanding of what sex in marriage would look like. It also took a massive sense of pressure off us both because we knew sex was a gift, not a right, within marriage, and that we were working with our biology, and not against it.
I have to credit really healthy and positive Catholic youth retreats and conferences and websites for giving me an early and thorough introduction to NFP.
This is fantastic, Sophia! I especially love how you said that knowing this actually "took a massive sense of pressure off us both" -- I feel like so often we are influenced by the perception that sexual fulfillment is simply total freedom, when that's not actually freeing at all (it's a lot of pressure!). I'm so grateful that you had such solid instruction and encouragement from your youth days and on!
I appreciate this a lot. Considerations of sex (male and female), personality, temperament, etc. also play huge roles in this. My husband and I’ve been married 20 years, and I’m so grateful he has practiced patience and consideration of me since the beginning. I’ve also learned to be aware of his needs. There’s sacrifice all around as well as blessings. All this is to say that there are definitely limits to sex after marriage, and more young people should learn this.
Yes! I absolutely agree with you on this. Of course there is a general truth that applies to the masses, but a part of that is the piece about *honoring the other.* How can we honor their whole person -- physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually? That's a critical (and *beautiful*) part of marriage, but it takes time, intentionality, practice, and -- as you said, patience and consideration. Thanks for sharing this detail with us!
18 hrs ago·edited 18 hrs agoLiked by Caitlin Estes
This is so helpful. How often we reduce truth and goodness to mere rules! This “rule” is counterproductive if the “why” has not been contextualized — not to mention the fact that we’re hard pressed to find such a rule in Scripture, at least in the way we moderns phrase it. This gives me inspiration and hope for how to talk to my kids about sex in the very near future. I want to start with purpose and only after that address the means to that end.
Starting with the purpose! That’s a beautiful idea, Baylor. It can be tough to explain depending on the age, but I think even basic truths are a great start. Just like we don’t explain all the details of the act at a young age, but just share what they need to know in the moment, I think the same can be true for the WHY behind it. Way to go for actively pondering ways to bring it up yourself, too. Thanks for engaging with the conversation here with us, as well!
I waited until marriage- as did my husband- but we had no illusions about it being a free-for-all once we were married, mainly because I'd had a good grounding in the concept of NFP from my early teens, and my husband had learnt of it in later years but understood the natural restrictions around it well before we were engaged or married. Contraception was never an option for us, we knew NFP would be part of our marriage and therefore we had a pretty healthy understanding of what sex in marriage would look like. It also took a massive sense of pressure off us both because we knew sex was a gift, not a right, within marriage, and that we were working with our biology, and not against it.
I have to credit really healthy and positive Catholic youth retreats and conferences and websites for giving me an early and thorough introduction to NFP.
This is fantastic, Sophia! I especially love how you said that knowing this actually "took a massive sense of pressure off us both" -- I feel like so often we are influenced by the perception that sexual fulfillment is simply total freedom, when that's not actually freeing at all (it's a lot of pressure!). I'm so grateful that you had such solid instruction and encouragement from your youth days and on!
I appreciate this a lot. Considerations of sex (male and female), personality, temperament, etc. also play huge roles in this. My husband and I’ve been married 20 years, and I’m so grateful he has practiced patience and consideration of me since the beginning. I’ve also learned to be aware of his needs. There’s sacrifice all around as well as blessings. All this is to say that there are definitely limits to sex after marriage, and more young people should learn this.
Yes! I absolutely agree with you on this. Of course there is a general truth that applies to the masses, but a part of that is the piece about *honoring the other.* How can we honor their whole person -- physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually? That's a critical (and *beautiful*) part of marriage, but it takes time, intentionality, practice, and -- as you said, patience and consideration. Thanks for sharing this detail with us!
This is so helpful. How often we reduce truth and goodness to mere rules! This “rule” is counterproductive if the “why” has not been contextualized — not to mention the fact that we’re hard pressed to find such a rule in Scripture, at least in the way we moderns phrase it. This gives me inspiration and hope for how to talk to my kids about sex in the very near future. I want to start with purpose and only after that address the means to that end.
Starting with the purpose! That’s a beautiful idea, Baylor. It can be tough to explain depending on the age, but I think even basic truths are a great start. Just like we don’t explain all the details of the act at a young age, but just share what they need to know in the moment, I think the same can be true for the WHY behind it. Way to go for actively pondering ways to bring it up yourself, too. Thanks for engaging with the conversation here with us, as well!